Easing Our Survivor's Pain By Writing a Wisdom Will (R)

This month, I thought I'd post a talk that I've given in the community several times over the last year , on what I've trademarked as a Wisdom Will. It is a wonderful gift to our survivors after we are gone. Also, it is a wonderful exercise for individuals to take on. I've helped many people compose their Wisdom Wills. and all felt a deep satisfaction after it was done. Many decided to share it now, before they were on their death beds. I hope you find the the topic meaningful.
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Life is unpredictable. In 453 AD, Attila the Hun died of a nosebleed on his wedding night. Sir Francis Bacon died in 1626 of pneumonia. He was experimenting with freezing a chicken by stuffing it with snow. The writer, Tennessee Williams, choked to death when a nose spray bottle cap accidentally dropped into his mouth while he was using the spray. Or still more dreadful, over 3,000 people died in the United States on September 11, 2001 when Al-Qaida terrorists flew planes into the World Trade Center and Pentagon buildings.

Every night on the news, we hear stories of unexpected death and destruction. No one can accurately predict all that will happen tomorrow or the day after. This is why attorneys draw up our legal wills and we set up trust funds for our children. Life happens. Death happens. Just as we want to be prayed-up and spiritually ready to go when we die, we need our wisdom packaged and ready to gift to loved ones and community. We can experience peace in knowing a meaningful part of us exists for future generations. I propose that one way of doing this is by composing a legacy document, which I call a Wisdom Will ™, to record one’s values, blessings, wisdom, and prayers for the future.

As people begin to appraise their lives, key questions surface. How will they be remembered? What kind of legacy will they leave behind? Does life have meaning? How can they harness some of the meaning and purpose of their lives and keep it from being lost or buried with them when they die? A Wisdom Will is a way to encapsulate peoples wisdom, values, lessons they have learned from adversity, sources of strength, their beliefs, their prayers and blessings for loved ones and community. This grand gesture of documentation links people to their survivors for generations. It is a priceless, timeless treasure.

Legal wills bequeath valuables. Wisdom Wills bequeath values. The greatest gift one can give or receive from someone who has died is a legacy from the heart, thus, an inheritance document such as this comes from the very core--a heartfelt place. Jesus says in Luke 12:33-34, “Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
I believe it is good work to heed these words by building character, faith, love, forgiveness and compassion. In order for this learning to become long lasting, we must share it. There is no better way than the bequeathing of a document that will archive these values for eons.

Dr. Ira Byock, author of Dying Well: Peace and Possibilities at the End of Life, says people need to complete five tasks in order to experience relationship completion/reconciliation and a peaceful death. These tasks include, “‘Saying I forgive you”; “Forgive me”; “Thank you”, and “I love you.”’ As death nears, the final task is to say goodbye (140).

The observance of passing on one’s personal legacy, or one’s cultural legacy is common among many religions and ethnic groups. In antiquity these legacies were an oral tradition. When writing became more common, the wills were written and read to loved ones and friends after death. Throughout the years, the written tradition lost its significance and few people composed them for their loved ones. After the United States’ tragedy of September 11, 2001, the practice began resurfacing. Awareness of the unpredictability of life brought many people face to face with the reality of death.After 2001, people are writing Wisdom Will documents at such turning points in their lives as: awaiting the birth of a child, before major surgery, before a graduation or Bar Mitzvah, after a death, after a divorce or relationship breakup, or after a job loss.

For generations soldiers have written just in case letters and now during the ongoing Iraqi conflict (2004-2005), U.S. military men and women are doing the same. However, people do not have to wait for critical moments to pass on their learning. Bequeathing values, along with material valuables, is becoming a new trend. In her September and October (American Association of Retired People) AARP Magazine, article entitled “Gift of a Lifetime,” Karen Cheney noted this trend:
More and more people are recognizing the value of bequeathing loved ones the most precious memories and lessons of a lifetime. Count among them President Bill Clinton, who recently advised a crowd of booksellers in Chicago, “I really think that anyone who’s fortunate enough to live to be 50 years old should take some time, even if it’s just a couple of weekends, to sit down and write the story of your [sic] life, even if it’s only 20 pages, and even if it’s only for your children and your grandchildren.” (30)

I believe Wisdom Wills are part of our legacy planning, and part of our responsibility to life. Cheney continues:
The concept is also energizing—injecting heart into—theestate-planning field. Barry Baines, M.D.,author of Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values on Paper, and creator of www.ethicalwill.com,says that at the seminars he offers on the subject, one of his largest audiences is financial-planning professionals. (30)

In addition, Kiplinger’s Newsletter, “Retirement Report”, January 1, 2002, editors emphasize that:
A farewell letter isn’t your most important estate planning document but it may be the one that means the most to your family and friends. A farewell letter, often called an ethical will or, legacy statement, is your final personal missive to your family.It’s not a legal document, but it gives you the chance to let your
family know what you tried to accomplish in your life, what was most important to you and what you want for those you leave behind.Think of it as a written legacy of your most cherished values and beliefs. (1)


The editors encourage people to make it part of their “overall plan.”
In her advertising brochure, Joella Werlin, founder of “Familore—Family Records & Recollections,” writes:

If a journey is our metaphor for life, planning for the last miles may begin at any stage of adulthood. At some point, of us must let go of our baggage and dispose of possessions acquired along the way. The pausebetween our questions and answers must close. How will our survivors know what has really mattered to us and why? What memorabilia will we leave behind for those who have been our companions, for those who are yet to travel some, during what is inevitably a difficult time. Is there way to offer reassurance that the journey has ended in what we accept as a safe place? And, can we hold on across time to our connections and love? These questions are bestanswered through Legacy Planning. (Familore brochure)

I believe God makes no distinction between us, every one is equal; everyone has something to offer life, some gift, some contribution, some purpose. Unless one reflects on it, examines it, reaps its treasure, it will be lost and forgotten. I concur with Socrates in that an unexamined life is not worth living. Reflection is important to our mental health and well-being. A Wisdom Will provides the opportunity for such reflection.

I trust that people completing this legacy document will reap a viable inheritance of wisdom, values and blessings for their loved ones and their communities. I believe that composers of Wisdom Wills will heighten the potential for greater peace in their lives, no matter the number of days they have left on earth. I also maintain that writing a Wisdom Will will invigorate peoples’ interest in living life to the fullest.