HOW TO SURVIVE THE HOLIDAYS IF YOU'RE GRIEVING

Holidays, anniversaries of a death, birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day--all these dates are difficult if you've lost a loved one. It is so important that you take care of yourself after someone you love has died. Don't discount the enormity of it's impact on your life. It is much like having major surgery for it is an assault, a gouging of your emotional well-being. You wouldn't push someone to hurry up and heal if they just had a quadruple by-pass; then, why expect yourself to hurry up and get through with your mourning.

Here are some helpful suggestions you might implement during the holidays and other significant days in the life of you and your loved one:
1) Acknowledge the dramatic emotional assault you're experiencing by being kind to yourself. Get a massage, make a play date with a friend, go for walks, journal, read poetry, attend a concert, play a round of golf, go to the gym for a workout.
2) Get enough rest and exercise. Allow yourself a nap during the day. Listen to some soothing music before bedtime.
3) Accept some social dates during the holidays, have lunch with a group of friends, something that will get you out of the house, something that you will enjoy. We need to stay connected if we want to heal. While alone time is needed, too much can set your recovery back. We need the support of others and opportunities to build a new life without our loved one in it. This does not mean that you forget or stop loving the person who died; it merely affirms that there are many people left to love. Loving others does not detract from the love you have for our beloved.
4) Buy yourself a gift, something you think your loved one would have wanted you to have, and that you would have been pleased to receive. It doesn't have to be expensive, just thoughtful.
5) Accept help when it is offered; it encourages others to give of themselves and it will nurture you.
6) Plan ahead for the holidays and revisit family traditions. Now might be a good time to do something different, perhaps spend the holidays out of town with loved ones; or gather at someone else's home if you've always had the festivities at your house.
7) Give of yourself during the holidays, it will keep things in perspective and you will be helping others in need. Volunteer at a church dinner or an event for the homeless. Visit a nursing home and bring gifts of soap, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, shaving cream, stuffed animals, writing pads, pens, pencils or other practical or fun items. I assure you that your visit will brighten their day, and make you feel good about yourself.

There is nothing so horrible as losing someone you love so, whatever you do, be gentle and kind to yourself. Embrace your grief for it is a demonstration of how deeply you are able to love. Unfortuantely, when we love, we always risk the pain of loss. Yet, in the end don't you believe it's worth the price? I do.

Remember, if you need additional help during this time, you can always give me a call.