What Not to Say to Someone Grieving

We all want to help those who are enduring a loss of any kind. Our intentions are good but we inadvertently say things that hurt or discount the griever. The best thing we can do for anyone who's hurting is just BE with them; listen to them--even when they repeat the story over and over. They are merely trying to get their minds around the death of their loved one.

Don't say: You're still good looking, you'll find another husband/wife. (People don't want to think about marriage to someone else at this time. They still feel married to their deceased spouse.)
Do say: I'm sorry for your loss.

Don't say: I know exactly how you feel. (Everyone grieves differently. Even if you've had a similar loss, their are differences in how you handled your pain.)
Do say: Tell me about, John (or Mary etc.)

Don't say: It's God's will, or their in heaven now. (The griever may be angry at God at the moment.)
Do say: I have a couple of hours today, is there anything I can do for you, go to the store, pay bills, vaccum....

Don't say: Don't dwell on the death. Think about the good times. (To get through grief, the griever must dwell on the death to make it real and to move on.)
Do say: Any time you want to talk I'm here for you.

Don't say: I don't know what I'd do if I lost my child, wife, mother. (Trust me. It's not about you. It's about them. And, comments like this just adds fuel to the fire of their loss.)
Do say: Let's go for a walk. I'd like to hear how you're holding up. (Walking is great for grievers, it activates healthy endorphins that will make them feel better. It's a way of working out the pain, and it is best done with a companion.)

Don't say: It could be worse. (At the moment, of their pain, nothing could be further from the truth.) Do say: This must be a very difficult time for you.

Encourage folks in pain to talk about their loss, tell stories about their loved one, while offering a listening ear, a helpful hand. Reassure them that you will pray for them and their family as they deal with their woundedness.